Because of this, I have a minor in horror film and day time soap studies. And, of course, one stormy afternoon, watching Passions (still can’t believe that they cancelled that masterpiece) after finishing the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it became clear:
Ever seen Deliverance? Ever heard the phrase “Squeal like a pig?” Don’t need to add anything else. Deliverance is some inbred fucked up shit right there. Not to mention The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, etc. In horror films, inbreeding equals cannibalistic murderer
In the quality of daytime drama program, someone is always marrying someone and at the last minute some random person runs in and says “STOP! He’s your son!!” which in turn causes a 15 minute close up of a shocked face before cutting to a commercial break, followed by a return with another 10 minutes
Yelling at the screen
A key element of both of these genres is yelling at the screen
You know that they can’t hear you, and people around you are glaring and pointing but you can’t help it.
It’s important in either genre to over gesture every emotion, no matter how small.
Your father/cousin/husband/brother in law just died? Throw yourself to the floor!!
Trying to stab someone? Go for a full windmill arc arm! Give the killer time to have shot you twelve times before your arm even starts going downward!
Getting some revenge on your mortal enemy? Say it out loud right next to the person you are plotting against! If you stare into space, they can’t hear you!!
No sense of real time.
Okay, go right now to your television. Watch any episode of any soap. Then go back a year later. IT’S STILL THE SAME DAY!!! THE MAIN CHARACTER STILL HASN’T FINISHED HIS DRINK!
However, at the same party, the kid who was 3 a year ago is now 24.
In horror movies, one minute the soon to be murdered students are just finishing school, then in the next scene the skankily dressed lead is walking home with her school books at 1AM.
I know why they are both so bad.
Clearly, this is the entertainment industry’s way of making our expectations so low that they can release movies like The Ugly Truth and we think it’s good in comparison.
I’m onto you, you bastards!!